Many people come to me when they have painful problems with parents, partners, husband, wife or children. They seem to be going around in circles with nothing changing. There are those that experience difficulties with an Ex-Partner and contact time with the children. Then there is the person in a relationship with a person they feel they have grown apart or out of love.

From my psychodynamic training we start at the beginning of your life and work our way through to see what patterns and beliefs have built up. We explore what beliefs and thoughts are helpful to you today or not.

For some the communication has broken down and we look at effective communication such as;

The Five Secrets of Effective Communication

Listening Skills

  1. The Disarming Technique. You find some truth in what the other person is saying, even if you feel convinced that what they're saying, even if you feel convinced that what they're saying is totally wrong, unreasonable, irrational, or unfair.
  2. Empathy. You put yourself in the other person's shoes and try to see the world through his or her eyes.
    • Thought empathy: You paraphrase the other persons words
    • Feeling empathy: You acknowledge how they're probably feeling, given what they are saying to you
  3. Inquiry. You ask gentle, probing questions to learn more about what the other person is thinking and feeling.

Self-Expression Skills

  1. "I feel" statements. You express your feeling with I feel statements (such as I feel upset) rather than with you statements (such as You're wrong! or You're making me furious).
  2. Stroking. You find something genuinely positive to say to the other person, even in the heat of battle. This indicates that you respect the other person, even though you may be angry with each other.

The Feeling Good Handbook. D.D.Burns.1989